Today I am writing more personally because I think this story from my life may help you if you are in a similar situation.
Some time ago I read the book “The Secret of Your Strength” by Thomas Härry. It was very valuable for me. It is about emotional wounds that are inflicted on us by other people in the course of our lives. It made me realise that there are a few situations in my life where I have suffered wounds that still bother me today. And that it is time to face up to them.
Please don’t leave me!
Everyone has been in love at one time or another. So have I. When I was a few (many, to be exact) years younger, I had two relationships that each lasted around four years. Nothing for in-between, but already long-term. The girls were both younger than me. I wasn’t exactly a paragon of self-confidence. I was happy to have a girlfriend and I was happy in the relationship. It may not have always been rosy, but overall it was a good time.
The first girlfriend was a young, vibrant girl who liked to have fun and be out and about. I liked to be there. Also parties, celebrations, disco. But I can’t really dance. It looks more like a stork looking for food. I tried to keep up, which went quite well. Then came her eighteenth birthday, a car as a present from her parents. A big change and over the next while I was written off and for various reasons things fell apart. She broke up with me. I was still trying to win her back but did a lot wrong. Wound number one.
I was then single for some time and at some point during a summer camp I fell in love with the second girl. And she fell in love with me. We were happy, but we also had our problems. It became more difficult when I was 300 km away from home for half a year because of my studies and only came home at weekends. When I got back, things were fine again. Then came her school leaving examination. Things were going well for us. I was happy with the way things were. Happy. So was she. I thought so. I thought wrong. Even then, things drifted apart. I remember that on one of our last evenings we listened to a song by Die Toten Hosen or Ärzte that described our situation exactly (but I can’t remember the title). Wound number 2.
Now I have been very happily married for almost 15 years, have a great wife, four wonderful children. Everything is really good. Only now those thoughts from before are suddenly reappearing: “Don’t leave me!” Unconsciously they creep in. Apparently I still have these wounds from back then, although it was a really long time ago. And even though my wife doesn’t give me a reason. I think it’s because her personality is extremely evolving at the moment and she’s going back to work. And for me, subconsciously, the alarm bells are ringing. Because I’ve been hurt before in such major change situations.
I am glad that I read Thomas Härry’s book, that I am aware of this and that I can bring this matter before God in prayer. I talk openly about it with my wife. I know that she loves me. All this contributes to being able to heal.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.Psalm 147:3
If you are in a similar situation, I encourage you to walk this path of openness towards your partner and God. Tears are also allowed to flow. Face the wounds in your life and don’t cover them up or repress them – the pain will be gone for a while, but it will always catch up with you. If you are open to it, God can work on you. This also applies to emotional wounds caused by parents, friends, family, colleagues, etc. Seek help if you cannot do it alone.
A wound can only be healed if it is treated.